Relevance

Relevance is what makes people notice you, isn't it? Unfortunately for them (and fortunately for us), spammers don't seem to have gotten the memo yet.

I'm always amazed, as I skim through my spam folder, at the lack of variety in the "topics" broached by spam messages. Maybe one day I should take a little statistical snapshot of my spam folder and look at the proportion of messages about male enhancement pills, bank loans, improbable lottery draws or luxury watches compared to the rest.

I honestly don't understand how people can still fall for those (even if the suckers amount to less than 1%). I am convinced that spammers would fare better if they tapped into less hackneyed, more "relevant" topics. By relevant, I don't mean something narrowly targeted that really resonates with few people and leaves the rest of the crowd indifferent (although that could be an option too). I understand that spammers want to cast as wide a net as possible. For that net to be more effective, I'd suggest using highly visible sporting events as bait, or at least something that catches the eye because it is currently making the news (an election, a natural phenomenon, even a major software release or a celebrity's wedding).

The media was all about the FIFA World Cup last month, and I only got one spam message acknowledging it. The message was sent to me in BCC, the main addressee being some soccer club in France. I received it on the day of the final game, with the following subject line:

alors qu'en penses tu du resultat de la coupe?
(so what do you think of the results of the cup?)

Now wasn't that cleverly done? Wouldn't you be more inclined to click on a message whose subject line is "Get 20% off original price at Tour de France winner's pharmacy" rather than "Get 20% off original price at our online pharmacy"? I believe you would if you received it today, because it is relevant in summer time, when the Tour de France is on. You probably wouldn't notice it as much in the winter, where you'd be more attuned to winter Olympics news or holiday shopping discounts and special offers.

Valentine's day hotness

A bidding contest seems to have started on Valentine's day in my spam folder. Who will give me the best discount on the hotness pill?

Currently, "Pfizer (tm) Viagra (c)" is the highest bidder, with 84% off. "Pfizer VIAGRA eService" hasn't budged from its initial bid for 80% off. "Me" is trailing, with 76% (what a cheap bastard I am!).

How much hotter can the race get?

Back with more spam recipes!

Spam is always in season. Since it is so readily available, it lends itself to innumerable variations.

GMail serves my spam email together with not-so-mouth-watering spam dishes. Among the recent ones:

Spam Swiss Pie
Creamy Spam Broccoli Casserole
Vineyard Spam Salad

I wonder if some spam recipes call for any of the meds typically advertised in spam emails. The chef's suggestion du jour could be:

Spam and Viagra Salad
Vicodin and Spam Fajitas
Today's special: Chandeleur Crepes with Xanax Ice-Cream and Spam Shavings

Bon appétit!

Spiderman's pedipalps

If you're wondering what pedipalps are (not what they stand for here, obviously), the Merriam-Webster online dictionary gives the following definition:

either of the second pair of appendages of an arachnid (as a spider) that are borne near the mouth and are often modified for a special (as sensory) function

The appendage, according to the Wikipedia article, is also where the male spider's reproductive organs are located, which makes it relevant in the context of your average spam message.


Considering what one looks like with enlarged pedipalps (see above), though, it is safe to say that you and your family can pass on this and save.

Antithesis

Rxpills_support_online makes the following claim:

"Impotence is not good. Viagra is Good"

Therefore impotence is not Viagra, right? Er, no, that probably isn't where this was going...

I love it when the argumentation reaches that level of simplicity but can still be described using very elaborate-sounding words. Viva la abstracción!