Spiderman's pedipalps

If you're wondering what pedipalps are (not what they stand for here, obviously), the Merriam-Webster online dictionary gives the following definition:

either of the second pair of appendages of an arachnid (as a spider) that are borne near the mouth and are often modified for a special (as sensory) function

The appendage, according to the Wikipedia article, is also where the male spider's reproductive organs are located, which makes it relevant in the context of your average spam message.


Considering what one looks like with enlarged pedipalps (see above), though, it is safe to say that you and your family can pass on this and save.

Yay, jsem získala loterie znovu!

Please pardon my broken Czech again.

For those of us not versed in Slavic languages, freetranslation.com provides the following "translation" of the UK National Lottery message I wrote about earlier this week (see this post):

"Your e-mail address he won This is oficiálne notify that the result our pocítace cerpat 844 this on the chosen your name and e-mail address pripojen to tickets Císlo 034-22478556 with poradovým císlem 129, which subsequently won the United Kingdom Lottery large udelování prices in the category. You have been confirmed as vítez category B in the United Kingdom Lottery vylosuje pocítac remíz. Your claim ensemble was rádne predána to this Narodni with the guidelines, which we during handling of prevodem your price 1,000000.00 £ GBP. (One Million United Kingdom pound) to your úcet nominated. Laskave sent the following information of the claims."

I really like the disclaimer accompanying this appalling text:

This translation is ideal for "gisting" purposes, providing a basic understanding of the original text.

Of course, since I don't know any Czech, I may be too quick to blame freetranslation.com, which does indeed provide basic understanding of the message — which I am grateful for. But, as far as I know, "which we during handling of prevodem your price 1,000000.00 £ GBP. (One Million United Kingdom pound) to your úcet nominated" is nothing more than gibberish.

As is often the case, you get what you pay for...

What's with my couch??

Recently, spammers have been very concerned about my couch.

Rubin: "heave your belove couch adventures"
Roscoe: "support your belove couch experience"
Jacklyn: "uplift your sweet couch experience"
Marilin: "ascent your lover couch experience"
Rosendo: "boost your couch experience"

Is it the type of experience you can mention in your resume, alongside your plow experience? 15+ years of couch experience. Somehow, I doubt it... The imperatives kind of give away what this is all related to. "Ascent" is the odd man out, here, grammatically speaking, but conveys the same idea as the verbs.

Out of curiosity, and to expand my knowledge of the English language, I looked up "to heave" on the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary. It turns out it's been around since before the 12th century, has both irregular and regular inflicted forms, and several meanings and synonyms, among which another word we don't see everyday: "to retch".

Did anyone puke on my couch?!?!